I'm dropping a Rule 50 on this one.

Angel 12/10

The Rules

16. You’re Pasty.  You’re so pale, it looks like you’ve been told Sarah Palin’s your real Mom?  Work with warmer colours, you’ll look more alive.

31. Show some cuff. Half an inch of your shirt should show at the end of your jacket sleeve

42. No Trainers. You are not a fucking B boy, if you are, run along now, there’s nothing here for you to see.

50. Break the rules. You see, once you’ve mastered the rules, it’s time to break them. Only a subservient, winey, bitch would always follow the rules. If you really want to tell the world you’re a fucking man, break the rules, and don’t worry about the consequences.

Rules 1, 19, 18

There's a b in subtle.


Walthamstow
03/09


The Rules

1. Men have booty too. When you turn around to look at yourself in the mirror you should be able to see your arse, not a bag of material.

19. Create a highlight. Move away from just black, blue and grey clothes. I know, sometimes it’s nice to hold onto what you think is safe; safe is nice, you look into your wardrobe and it’s a sea of nice safe blacks, greys and blues. Fuck that you winey little girl. I’m not suggesting you start buying suits that would scare Jonathan Ross circa 2001, but a bright corner pocket, socks or scarf will make you look like you’ve thought about it, and you’ve got the chops to have a go.

18. Work with your palette. Unless you’re a black and white minstrel, or you want to look like a French man, you’ll have to start picking out tones in your face to work with: Eye colour, ruddiness of your cheeks, hair colour. The big advantage of building a wardrobe based on your pallet palette is that more and more clothes will fit together, and you’ll get more combinations of clothes.

Rules 29, 8, 2

Sometimes, always, never; buttoning your buttons from the top, downwards.



Hitchin
28/06

The Rules

29. Just because you have lots of buttons, doesn’t mean you have to do them all up. Find your pivot point by squeezing your thinnest part of your waist (it’s the bit just above your hip bone). Half an inch down is your pivot point. There should be a button here, do it up. Leave the rest open.

8. Break once. If you look at the crease down the front of your trousers, it should kink once, about half way up your shin. Any more it will make your legs look shorter, that or you’ll look like a 13 year old boy trying to be gangsta.

2. Your collar shapes your face. You’re looking for balance here. If you have a face that looks like it’s been hit hit with a spade, try to steer clear of wide cut collars. Likewise, if you’ve got a face like a horse, avoid tall thin collars. The whole point of putting clothes on is to bring the eye up to the face. Strong structured collars make you look important; small soft collars make you look like you shop at Asda.

When I used to live in north America, I would spend my afternoons watching Tele-Casts of sports evens, drinking impossibly fizzy beer, listening to the commentators extol the virtues of ‘plays’,  dissecting the offensive systems and the flaws of the defense.  I’d watch as they shouted mindlessly each other, trying to alpha male each other into submission, the one thing I would alway think, “why the fuck have they got all of their buttons done up on their jackets?”

These 250lbs ex wide receivers, built like brick shit houses, were fighting and loosing with their clothes.  Your jacket should move with you, twist and rotate, not sit on top of you, ridged and forced; by doing up all the buttons, that is all it will ever do.  It is worth curtailing any silly buggers right now about warmth; if your cold, put a fucking overcoat on, don’t button up your jacket.

Anyways, down to the finer points; great warm colours with the shirt and tie which mirror the slight ruddiness of the skin tones.  Love the white trousers, brogues and dark green jacket, any more classic English style than this, you’d turn into a Jag E-type that smelt of gin and bacon sandwiches - and that’s just how i like it. 

Rule 6

The Rule

6. Polo shirts. Don’t pop your collar, unless your Eric Cantona or Mike Skinner.

I know I said last time I'd post about something 'summery'.  But, seeing that the weather is still playing silly buggers, it makes a street photography blog post about summer clothes a bit fucking difficult. 

So you can just have a rule instead.  Fat lot of use it will be though with another, glorious English summer were having.

Almost makes you want to move to France, almost.

Rules 3, 12, 34, 40

Like a good self referential blogger that I am, I wrote last time about the ability to mix different patterns. This skill is one of the keys to dressing like a fucking man.  Here we have a nice example of mixing two patterns.

Shorditch

21/06

Rules

3. Your tie knot should frame the collar. Balance here is key. You don’t want your knot crammed in like a fat girl on Ryanair, nor do you want it looking like the last line of coke on a dining table.

12. No Pleats. If you haven’t been at the pies, don’t bother with these. The extra material will puff out making you look like a squeezed sausage.

34. Your jacket lapels effect your body shape.  By the shape of your lapels will exaggerate the shape of your body.  By moving the points, shape and size of the lapels you can enhance, or play down body shapes.  If you’re tall and thin, lower wider points will exaggerate the upside down triangle.  If your short, raising the points and bringing them in will imply height.

40. 2 Patterns. You can “clash” two patterns, but the scale has to be different

By taking a large check in the suit cloth and mixing it with tight pattern it the tie, he is being bang on trend, whilst not looking like a fashion floozy. (the last thing we want it you strutting around in a cowboy hat, looking like a Northern slag on a hen do, just because some knob-jockey in magazine said it was fashionable).  Then, by using similar colours in the suit, shirt and tie, the blue and grey, the outfit is tied together further, ooooooosh!

If you’re the sort of charlie big potatoes who wears a three piece suit to the pub, I like you.  Doing something a little bit classy and stylish is never a bad thing.  The best thing about looking classy, is being debaucherous at the same time: it’s one of life’s great pleasures.  I just can’t imagine Dean Martin going to the local bar wearing his jeans and a tee.  I also just can’t imagine Dean Martin, not leaving the bar with out classy broad, a strong smell of gin about him and everyone in the bar wanting him to stay.  Those two things may not be connected, but looking classy, is a great place to start.

You stay classy San Diego!

Rules 39, 40, 41

The ability to use multiple patterns will become increasingly important in fashion over the next year.  

The Rules

39. 1 Pattern. Work with your colour palette here. The colour doesn’t even have to co-ordinate with anything else on your attire, only a woman would demand something so regimented.

40. 2 Patterns. You can “clash” two patterns, but the scale has to be different

41. 3 Patterns. Feeling fruity then?; Try to get the three patterns in similar size and contrast but of different design.  So a tight check, next to a tight stripe next to tight weave should work.  Nothing should stand out on it own.

If you start to look around you will start to notice people mixing patterns.  This is fucking cool, because it is really easy to fuck this right up.  Getting this right is really going to sort the men out from the boys.

Unlike most styles which rely on an individual theme, this relies on on out and out sartorial knowledge plus being a ballsy mo-fo; you really need the skills to pay the bills to pull this off.

Follow the rules and it should stat to make sense.  Remember what we've discussed with colour and contrast when thinking about which patterns to use.  The pattern doesn't need be a major item: ties, corner pockets and socks can all add that second, third or even fourth layer.  A heavy weaved cloth can also be a sneaky way of eking in a different pattern, you don't just need to think in printed patterns.

Like most things, surgery, sky-diving, poking animals with sticks, it's better to start off simple, then build up your skill and complexity when your confidence grows.  Last thing I want is you running out there looking like you've hit a charity shop with 20 notes, off your box on ket.

Rule 25

The Rule

25. Pick a style icon. 

A lot like, ‘What would Jesus do?’ But with someone cool, who you admire and with clothes.

It's quite simple really.  This should help you justify your some of your sartorial decisions.  It's like having a comfort blanket shaped like Don Draper or Steve McQueen.

"Should I buy this green velour tracksuit with Juicy splashed across the arse?  Well I sure as hell can't imagine Don wearing some bullshit get up like this, I'll dodge this bullet and blow my cash on cheap hookers and rye"

Think like this and literally nothing can go wrong.

Rules 2, 5, 17

There are certain words that work so well together, cellar door, hot tub, angry lesbians.  Other words should never sit closely together, vegan poet, rural juror, vaginal burp.  Smart casual never sits well together.  You should be one or the other, consistency my dear friends, is important. 

The Rules

16/03

2. Your collar shapes your face. You’re looking for balance here. If you have a face that looks like it’s been hit hit with a spade, try to steer clear of wide cut collars. Likewise, if you’ve got a face like a horse, avoid tall thin collars. The whole point of putting clothes on is to bring the eye up to the face. Strong structured collars make you look important; small soft collars make you look like you shop at Asda.

5. Two fingers are always better than one. Take two fingers and see if they slide in nice and comfortably. Clearly I am taking here about your collar. Do the top buttons up, and see if two fingers fit in easily. Do this or choke to death when you put a tie on. If you can get three fingers in it is clearly unpleasant.

17.You’ve got Olive skin. You need to work towards cooler colours; this will make you look more tanned. Shift towards the warm colours and you’ll look hotter than a blind puff in a hot dog factory.

Modern workplaces insist on this oxymoron for dress codes, so we must adapt and overcome.  Using smart details around the suit breaks up the formality and stops you looking like you work in a phone shop.

I love monk-strap shoes, especially brown ones with a toe cap.  In a sea of brogues, this shows you’re astute to the details.  The strong coat collar frames the face drawing the eye up to the most important part of the outfit your face!

A textured tie is another subtle detail that softens the formality of a suit, and by mirroring a high contrast shirt and tie with the high contrast of the hair to face, the look ties together.  The cool blue of the shirt compliments the warm hue of the skin.  This cool colored shirt on a pasty so and so, would wash the wearer out.

His flat fronted trousers work well with his slim frame; pleated trousers would have swamped him and would have plumped him out like a French duke.

Rules 16, 45, 50

This style guide breaks the rules to show you how to dress like a fucking man.  Rule 50 doesn't come out much, but here it makes it's first appearance. 

Soho

13/03

Rules

16. You’re Pasty.  You’re so pale, it looks like you've just been told Sarah Palin’s your real Mom?  Work with warmer colours, you’ll look more alive.

45. Socks. If you’re not sure, go black. If you feel confident, a bright colours always looks good, if you want to look like a school boy wear white.

50. Break the rules. You see, once you've mastered the rules, it’s time to break them. Only a subservient, winey, bitch would always follow the rules. If you really want to tell the world you’re a fucking man, break the rules, and don’t worry about the consequences.

I will tell you not to wear trainers, not to do all your buttons up on a jacket, wear yer jeans fitted and not baggy, and then somebody goes along, breaks the lot, and looks cool.  Bastard, but you’ve got to love him.  Nice socks by the way.

Rules 9, 12, 44

I've been stalking this deer for quite some time and finally I got him.


Savile Row 

09/03

12. Buy your wardrobe like a record collection. If you run out and buy a whole collection straight away, you’ll end up next year, with a lot of unstylish clothes. Aim to buy stuff that has a classic feel to it, and - fucking shit the bed -, you might just start looking a bit more classic.


9. Up at the back, down at the front. If there is excess baggage around your ass it will do one of two things: it will make you look like you’ve shit yourself; or women will not see your ass, and will assume you’ve shit yourself. The added advantage of this rule is that it also shows off your junk. Trust me on this one, they are looking.

44. Big feet need structure. Look for toe caps, brogues and more structured shapes or you’ll look like you have clown feet.

To be fair I've know this guy for quite sometime and he was one of the reasons I started this blog.  Dressing like a fucking man isn't about trying to look like a extra from a Frankie goes to Hollywood video, overt and flamboyant, it’s about having a tool-kit of knowledge to let you go to the pub and, at a minimum, not get ridiculed by your mates for looking like a kiddy fiddler (ironically this was taken behind Savile row...too soon?), but at a push, get a genuine compliment from an admirer.  Our kid here gets it right, repeatedly.

This look is all about the jacket.  It’s from a classic British institution and is a investment piece (basically it was fucking expensive), but it will last for years (hence it’s an investment).  He’s made it the centre piece of his outfit and nothing else is fighting for your attention.  The simple detailing of the collar, which frames the face brilliantly, the cuff detail and the rugged cloth make it a great item.  The warm colour compliments his pale skin and medium contrast between his face and hair is reflected in the contrast between blue top and jacket.

I’ll leave this post with the wise words of Coco Channel:

“Dress shabbily, they notice the dress. Dress impeccably, they notice the woman."

Rules 19, 42, 18

I am going to go on about colours until I am blue in the face (at which point I will start using warmer colours to give my pale, lifeless skin a bit more verve!).  Get the colours right and you are most of the way to dressing like a fucking man

Hoxton

02/03

The Rules

19. Create a highlight. Move away from just black, blue and grey clothes. I know, sometimes it’s nice to hold onto what you think is safe; safe is nice, you look into your wardrobe and it’s a sea of nice safe blacks, greys and blues. Fuck that you winey little girl. I’m not suggesting you start buying suits that would scare Jonathan Ross circa 2001, but a bright corner pocket, socks or scarf will make you look like you’ve thought about it, and you’ve got the chops to have a go.

42. No Trainers. You are not a fucking B boy, if you are, run along now, there’s nothing here for you to see.

18. Work with your palette. Unless you’re a black and white minstrel, or you want to look like a French man, you’ll have to start picking out tones in your face to work with: Eye colour, ruddiness of your cheeks, hair colour. The big advantage of building a wardrobe based on your pallet palette is that more and more clothes will fit together, and you’ll get more combinations of clothes.

He has taken the simplest streak in his hair, and mirrored it in his scarf, thingy (I’m actually not what that thing is, but it’s cool), and made it his..thing.  Now he’s interesting, he could have masked his streak, or drawn attention away from it, but he has taken a detail and made it his point of difference.  I’ll say it again, women’s fashion is all about overt, large gestures.  Men’s fashion is all about subtle, understated details which raise the minor to the intriguing.

Throw in a rich green, double breasted jacket, which not only works with his lighter skin tones, a retro pair of driving gloves (again another cool little detail) and a pair of well fitted jeans, the whole thing is a great mixture of small, subtle details working together, not over powering the great colours.

My only complaint, get a proper bike man, you look like a fucking tourist.  The bus drivers aim for the out-of-towners.

This style guide uses some rules on how to dress like a fucking man.   That’s not an umbrella he’s got, that’s a shitty stick for beating off the ladies!

Mayfair 

02 / 03

Rules

2. Your collar shapes your face. You’re looking for balance here. If you have a face that looks like it’s been hit hit with a spade, try to steer clear of wide cut collars. Likewise, if you’ve got a face like a horse, avoid tall thin collars. The whole point of putting clothes on is to bring the eye up to the face. Strong structured collars make you look important; small soft collars make you look like you shop at Asda.

10. No turn ups. This excludes jeans, but if you want to foreshorten your leg, making your body appear longer, and in turn making you look like an extra from Willow, go ahead, be my guest, you fucking weirdo.

23. Be consistent. Pick one style at a time and stick to it. You will not look a bit zany, if you put trainers on with a tux, you will look like a prick.

34. Your jacket lapels effect your body shape.  By the shape of your lapels will exaggerate the shape of your body.  By moving the points, shape and size of the lapels you can enhance, or play down body shapes.  If you’re tall and thin, lower wider points will exaggerate the upside down triangle.  If your short, raising the points and bringing them in will imply height.

I like to have 3 rules to help explain my incoherent rants.  It kind of keeps me on track, gives the piece a little structure.  This guy made it very difficult, I seriously could have picked over 30 rules that could have been relevant.  Pay attention boys, this is man is very well dressed!

Let’s start at the top.  A medium contrast face to hair colour, so further down there are medium contrasts through out his outfit; the contrast in colour and texture in his jacket lapels, the contrast between shirt and tie and the difference between jacket and trousers.  Contrasts don’t just have to be in colour, texture can also create the difference.   

The collar detail makes you look at his face (as we’ve discussed before, the most important part of any outfit).  It is great because it frames his face, the detailoing is subtle and different.  This guy’s height meant he wasn’t going to start for the Celtics or the Lakers, but by having a high wide collar it gives him a bit extra height, then by having the jacket pull in a bit round the waist it gives him shoulders and creates the upside down triangle.  Throw on some straight trousers that barely break, his legs look longer and leaner.  

Go on, look at him and think of what sentence he may be saying right now.  It’s probably has words like; cuba, consignment, succulent, harem, voluptuous in it.  Now look at yourself, what words would be in your sentence; Slough, box, chicken, balaclava, Brian?  You can’t judge a book by it’s cover, but you can tell if it’s a comic or a thriller.   

This style guide uses rules on suits to show you how to dress like a fucking man.   Women have little black dress to make you want them, men have suits

Mayfair

03/02

Rules

31.Show some cuff. Half an inch of your shirt should show at the end of your jacket sleeve

32.Show some collar. About half an inch of collar should be showing above your jacket collar when you stand naturally

12. No Pleats. If you haven’t been at the pies, don’t bother with these. The extra material will puff out making you look like a squeezed sausage.

Suits are the fucking holy grail of dressing like a fucking man, so I take my responsibility here more seriously than a heart attack.  Get it right and you will look and feel like your rollin’ with the big boys, get it wrong and you’ll look more uncomfortable than a pig at a bar mitzvah .

As I’ve said before, the devil is in the details, and no more is that true than suits.  Starting at the top there is 1/2” of collar showing at the back of the jacket.  One of the most easily fucked up part of suit jackets by men.  Similarly, show a bit of cuff.  How many times have we been told that the cuffs and collars should match, and how many times do we take fuck all notice?

Our kid here is a bit on the slim, short side, so his lapels (the bits of material around the opening of the jacket) are quite wide and high, this gives the chest a appearance of a bit more width and height, never a bad thing for his body shape.  Because he can say no to the third scotch egg at lunch, he’s not got a belly, so flat fronted trousers suit him; pleated trousers would have added extra, unnecessary weight to his waist.  Trousers are breaking nicely over his shoes, so we don’t see any sock.

Whip in a sweet shirt, tie combo, a satchel and a warm, interesting cloth; boom-shank-a-lank, you’ve got a  fucking complete look.  Simples!

Just a rule on mens style today.  The ability to get colour into mens style and clothes is a delicate skill.  A lot like putting a finger up your partners arse; a little bit now and again, carefully placed, everyone will enjoy and appreciate   Get carried away and put your whole hand up there, you'll get a reputation, and not a good one.

19. Create a highlight.   Move away from just black, blue and grey cloths.  I know, sometimes it’s nice to hold onto what you think is safe; safe is nice, you look into your wardrobe and it’s a sea of nice safe blacks, greys and blues. Fuck that, you winey little girl.  I’m not suggesting you start buying suits that would scare Jonathan Ross circa 2001, but a bright corner pocket, socks or scarf will make you look like you’ve thought about it, and you’ve got the chops to have a go.

This style guide uses rules on leather jackets and trousers to show you how to dress like a fucking man, and not a biker on his way to his second probation meeting.

Portobello Market

10/11

Rules.

24.  Buy your wardrobe like a record collection. If you run out and buy a whole collection straight away, you’ll end up next year, with a lot of unstylish clothes. Aim to buy stuff that has a classic feel to it, and - fucking shit the bed -, you might just start looking a bit more classic.

10.  No turn ups. This excludes jeans, but if you want to foreshorten your leg, making your body appear longer, and in turn making you look like an extra from Willow, go ahead, be my guest, you fucking weirdo.

21.  Aim for an upside down triangle. Your hips should appear thinner than your shoulders. 

I like things with a classic, timeless feel, there’s a certain elegance with things that don’t belong to any age.  The black leather jacket could be from the 50’s, 60’s or 70’s, who knows, but it still looks the muts nuts now.  By adding a contemporary twist, with the well fitted trousers, and not plumping for the obvious jeans, he looks pretty fucking sweet.

The length and fit of the jacket, really is key.  The jacket sits just on the waist, making the body to leg proportion balanced.  The arms are not too tight, and the panels on the body give the leather a texture and depth, both of which are, good.

The big, chunky, patterned scarf draws your eye to his face.  With the high contrast colours of his face to hair, the scarf works well as a buffer to the plainness of his jacket.

The cut of the trousers, not too tight is good, although the length may be a hair too long (notice the extra ripples on top of his shoes), but fuck it, i’m on my second glass of wine now, so I’ll let it slide.

Style Guide. Colour Balance

This style guide uses rules on colour to show you how to dress like a fucking man.   These tips on mens style should help you not look like a Picasso painting called “Of meat and cloth”

Holborn

17/01


Rules

15. You’re a Similar; if: Your hair is the same colour as your face. Start fucking around with high contrast colours and, you’ll be washed out; your clothes will be the main show, not your face. People will stare at your chest like you’ve got a cum on your chin.

1. Look at my face. The most expressive part of you is your face. Your clothes should make people want to look at, enhance and frame your face. Not like a lump of meat dolloped on the top.

17. You’ve got Olive skin. You need to work towards cooler colours; this will make you look more tanned. Shift towards the warm colours and you’ll look hotter than a blind puff in a hot dog factory.

Do you know why carrots don’t make good actors?  Because they don’t have a face.  They can’t articulate the wide range of emotions a human face can with their orange, vegetable skin.  This point also works with Cher.  Your face is the most important part of your appearance, your clothes should make people want to look at it, and make it appear coherent with your clothes.  

This dude’s hair is the same colour as his face, so he has used similar colours in his outfit so his face doesn’t look out of place.  He’s also got a big structured collar which frames his face, and his hat is tilled back to balance the strong collar.  The cooler blue in his jacket balances with the warmer hues of his face, again reinforcing the link between his clothes and his face. 

The white buttons give the coat something, elevating it from a fairly plain jacket to something subtly different, and well fitted, rich in colour jeans give the whole look style