Rules 8,17,2

It's not the putting a pastel jacket and bow tie on that's the difficult bit, it's the balls to pull it off.  

When I grow up I want to be just like you Abuelo Fresco!

Mount Pleasant

15/05

The Rules

8. Break once. If you look at the crease down the front of your trousers, it should kink once, about half way up your shin. Any more it will make your legs look shorter, that or you’ll look like a 13 year old boy trying to be gangsta.

17. You’ve got Olive skin. You need to work towards cooler colours; this will make you look more tanned. Shift towards the warm colours and you’ll look hotter than a blind puff in a hot dog factory.

2. Your collar shapes your face. You’re looking for balance here. If you have a face that looks like it’s been hit hit with a spade, try to steer clear of wide cut collars. Likewise, if you’ve got a face like a horse, avoid tall thin collars. The whole point of putting clothes on is to bring the eye up to the face. Strong structured collars make you look important; small soft collars make you look like you shop at Asda.

I love the fact this old geeza is just just using so many little fashion tricks it makes him look slick.  99% of the time you put a bow tie on, you're going to look a 100mph knob head, this fella looks like he was born with it on.  Trousers that break nicely, the beautiful double monk-strap shoes and that jacket;  it works so well with the skin tones and hangs perfectly.  

Rules. 2, 8, 37, 40

Allow me to re-introduce myself; my name is mauve!

Man, I love hip-hop more than Madonna loves dick! Anyways, something, something, suits.....





Borough Market
17/05

The Rules.

2. Your collar shapes your face. You’re looking for balance here. If you have a face that looks like it’s been hit hit with a spade, try to steer clear of wide cut collars. Likewise, if you’ve got a face like a horse, avoid tall thin collars. The whole point of putting clothes on is to bring the eye up to the face. Strong structured collars make you look important; small soft collars make you look like you shop at Asda.

8. Break once. If you look at the crease down the front of your trousers, it should kink once, about half way up your shin. Any more it will make your legs look shorter, that, or you’ll look like a 13 year old boy trying to be gangsta.

37. The bottom of your jacket should be level with the end of your arms. This is your visual middle. Raise or lower it and your proportions, and you, will look weird

40. 2 Patterns. You can “clash” two patterns, but the scale has to be different

Rules 35, 34, 44, 46

A fucking Jacket, some well fitted, fucking jeans, a nice fucking shirt.....it's not fucking difficult.

Carnaby Street

03/05

35. Have a corner pocket. Simple, no arguments, have one.

34. Your jacket lapels effect your body shape.  The shape of your lapels will exaggerate the shape of your body.  By moving the points, shape and size of the lapels you can enhance, or play down body shapes.  If you’re tall and thin, lower wider points will exaggerate the upside down triangle.  If your short, raising the points and bringing them in will imply height.

44. Big feet need structure. Look for toe caps, brogues and more structured shapes or you’ll look like you have clown feet.

46. Belts will act as a visual break. This will cut you in half. Great if you’re tall and don’t want to look too thin. Fucking useless if you’re short, and are wearing vertical stripes to make you look taller.

Rule 43

43. No Baseball Caps. 

Only Americans and Baseball players should ever wear these. If I see you wearing one, you better be able to recite the words to the seventh inning stretch, or I'll slap you round like a ginger step-child.

Rules 18, 36, 23

I'm still not sure if this whole jack-up trousers thing is for me, but here it really works.  The key here is the socks are the same colour as the jeans, smash a bright red sock on and you'll like a fucking clown.  Nice to see someone rocking an orange shirt, because for pasty people, it's the best colour in January to wear

Lambs Conduit 11/01

The Rules

18. Work with your palette. Unless you’re a black and white minstrel, or you want to look like a French man, you’ll have to start picking out tones in your face to work with: Eye colour, ruddiness of your cheeks, hair colour. The big advantage of building a wardrobe based on your palette is that more and more clothes will fit together, and you’ll get more combinations of clothes.

36. If your buttons are creating an X in the material it’s too tight. Buy a bigger size.

23. Be consistent. Pick one style at a time and stick to it. You will not look a bit zany, if you put trainers on with a tux, you will look like a prick.

Rules 13, 26, 35

Beards don't grow on trees, they grow on fucking legends!  Sweets tats on a grown up rebel.  

Bloomsbury 11/01

The Rules

13. You’re a Differ; if: Your hair is a different colour from your face. You should be wearing contrasting colours; it enhances the colour differences in your face. the contrast will enhance your face.  Fuck subtleties, you’re a man, only women and cats know subtle.

26. Only well fitted clothes look good. Too baggy, you’ll look fat and like you’re trying to hide something, too tight and you’re not going to look buff, just squeezed.

35. Have a corner pocket. Simple, no arguments, have one.

I'm dropping a Rule 50 on this one.

Angel 12/10

The Rules

16. You’re Pasty.  You’re so pale, it looks like you’ve been told Sarah Palin’s your real Mom?  Work with warmer colours, you’ll look more alive.

31. Show some cuff. Half an inch of your shirt should show at the end of your jacket sleeve

42. No Trainers. You are not a fucking B boy, if you are, run along now, there’s nothing here for you to see.

50. Break the rules. You see, once you’ve mastered the rules, it’s time to break them. Only a subservient, winey, bitch would always follow the rules. If you really want to tell the world you’re a fucking man, break the rules, and don’t worry about the consequences.