This style guide uses rules on suits to show you how to dress like a fucking man.   Women have little black dress to make you want them, men have suits

Mayfair

03/02

Rules

31.Show some cuff. Half an inch of your shirt should show at the end of your jacket sleeve

32.Show some collar. About half an inch of collar should be showing above your jacket collar when you stand naturally

12. No Pleats. If you haven’t been at the pies, don’t bother with these. The extra material will puff out making you look like a squeezed sausage.

Suits are the fucking holy grail of dressing like a fucking man, so I take my responsibility here more seriously than a heart attack.  Get it right and you will look and feel like your rollin’ with the big boys, get it wrong and you’ll look more uncomfortable than a pig at a bar mitzvah .

As I’ve said before, the devil is in the details, and no more is that true than suits.  Starting at the top there is 1/2” of collar showing at the back of the jacket.  One of the most easily fucked up part of suit jackets by men.  Similarly, show a bit of cuff.  How many times have we been told that the cuffs and collars should match, and how many times do we take fuck all notice?

Our kid here is a bit on the slim, short side, so his lapels (the bits of material around the opening of the jacket) are quite wide and high, this gives the chest a appearance of a bit more width and height, never a bad thing for his body shape.  Because he can say no to the third scotch egg at lunch, he’s not got a belly, so flat fronted trousers suit him; pleated trousers would have added extra, unnecessary weight to his waist.  Trousers are breaking nicely over his shoes, so we don’t see any sock.

Whip in a sweet shirt, tie combo, a satchel and a warm, interesting cloth; boom-shank-a-lank, you’ve got a  fucking complete look.  Simples!

Just a rule on mens style today.  The ability to get colour into mens style and clothes is a delicate skill.  A lot like putting a finger up your partners arse; a little bit now and again, carefully placed, everyone will enjoy and appreciate   Get carried away and put your whole hand up there, you'll get a reputation, and not a good one.

19. Create a highlight.   Move away from just black, blue and grey cloths.  I know, sometimes it’s nice to hold onto what you think is safe; safe is nice, you look into your wardrobe and it’s a sea of nice safe blacks, greys and blues. Fuck that, you winey little girl.  I’m not suggesting you start buying suits that would scare Jonathan Ross circa 2001, but a bright corner pocket, socks or scarf will make you look like you’ve thought about it, and you’ve got the chops to have a go.

This style guide uses rules on leather jackets and trousers to show you how to dress like a fucking man, and not a biker on his way to his second probation meeting.

Portobello Market

10/11

Rules.

24.  Buy your wardrobe like a record collection. If you run out and buy a whole collection straight away, you’ll end up next year, with a lot of unstylish clothes. Aim to buy stuff that has a classic feel to it, and - fucking shit the bed -, you might just start looking a bit more classic.

10.  No turn ups. This excludes jeans, but if you want to foreshorten your leg, making your body appear longer, and in turn making you look like an extra from Willow, go ahead, be my guest, you fucking weirdo.

21.  Aim for an upside down triangle. Your hips should appear thinner than your shoulders. 

I like things with a classic, timeless feel, there’s a certain elegance with things that don’t belong to any age.  The black leather jacket could be from the 50’s, 60’s or 70’s, who knows, but it still looks the muts nuts now.  By adding a contemporary twist, with the well fitted trousers, and not plumping for the obvious jeans, he looks pretty fucking sweet.

The length and fit of the jacket, really is key.  The jacket sits just on the waist, making the body to leg proportion balanced.  The arms are not too tight, and the panels on the body give the leather a texture and depth, both of which are, good.

The big, chunky, patterned scarf draws your eye to his face.  With the high contrast colours of his face to hair, the scarf works well as a buffer to the plainness of his jacket.

The cut of the trousers, not too tight is good, although the length may be a hair too long (notice the extra ripples on top of his shoes), but fuck it, i’m on my second glass of wine now, so I’ll let it slide.

Style Guide. Colour Balance

This style guide uses rules on colour to show you how to dress like a fucking man.   These tips on mens style should help you not look like a Picasso painting called “Of meat and cloth”

Holborn

17/01


Rules

15. You’re a Similar; if: Your hair is the same colour as your face. Start fucking around with high contrast colours and, you’ll be washed out; your clothes will be the main show, not your face. People will stare at your chest like you’ve got a cum on your chin.

1. Look at my face. The most expressive part of you is your face. Your clothes should make people want to look at, enhance and frame your face. Not like a lump of meat dolloped on the top.

17. You’ve got Olive skin. You need to work towards cooler colours; this will make you look more tanned. Shift towards the warm colours and you’ll look hotter than a blind puff in a hot dog factory.

Do you know why carrots don’t make good actors?  Because they don’t have a face.  They can’t articulate the wide range of emotions a human face can with their orange, vegetable skin.  This point also works with Cher.  Your face is the most important part of your appearance, your clothes should make people want to look at it, and make it appear coherent with your clothes.  

This dude’s hair is the same colour as his face, so he has used similar colours in his outfit so his face doesn’t look out of place.  He’s also got a big structured collar which frames his face, and his hat is tilled back to balance the strong collar.  The cooler blue in his jacket balances with the warmer hues of his face, again reinforcing the link between his clothes and his face. 

The white buttons give the coat something, elevating it from a fairly plain jacket to something subtly different, and well fitted, rich in colour jeans give the whole look style 

Style Guide: Composition

This style guide uses rules on composition to show you how to dress like a fucking man. The problem with most style blogs is they are intent on making you look like a peacock with a technicolored dream coat on; here we’re more about evolution, not revolution.




Oxford Street 28/01

Rules 

5. Two fingers are always better than one. Take two fingers and see if they slide in nice and comfortably. Clearly I am taking here about your collar. Do the top buttons up, and see if two fingers fit in easily. Do this, or choke to death when you put a tie on. If you can get three fingers in it is clearly unpleasant.

37. The bottom of your jacket should be level with the end of your arms. This is your visual middle. Raise or lower it too much and your proportions, and you, will look weird.

44. Big feet need structure. Look for toe caps, brogues and more structured shapes or you’ll look like you have clown feet.

I fucking love matey boy's look here. He is not pushing any boundaries, he’s not changing the world, it’s just a really fucking accessible, smart look. But your not here for pastiche, bland, smoke blown up each others arse opinion, you’re here for something a little more substantial.

The trick here is the different fabrics. The jacket and jeans have a rough texture, the rest is smooth. This means the overall look is balanced between smart and casual. It helps that the jeans are well fitted: no sag in the arse, slight break at the bottom and a rich colour. The jacket is a good fit: bit of collar, bit of cuff, and the jumper and tie give the whole look a finished smart feel.

Style Guide: Colour and Composition

This style guide uses rules on colour and composition to show you how to dress like a fucking man. Details, colour, shape, details, colour, shape, details, colour, shape, details, colour, shape, I’ll keep going on about it till you fucking listen.

 

Covent Garden 28/01

Rules

22. Layer. This should tie in with your colour palette and pattern selection. If you’re a 'differ' layer contrasting colours, if you’re a similar, build up a rich palette. This gives you an extra dimension to your look.

42. No Trainers. You are not a fucking B boy, if you are, run along now, there’s nothing here for you to see.

9. Up at the back, down at the front. If there is excess baggage around your ass it will do one of two things: it will make you look like you’ve shit yourself; or women will not see your ass, and will assume you’ve shit yourself. The added advantage of this rule is that it also shows off your junk. Trust me on this one, they are looking.

Like we do always, lets start with colour: his face is pale, his hair colour is dark, he is a 'differ'. He should wear contrasting colours, the colours should be warm. Like a fucking man, he's done that and succeeded in looking composed. By linking warm colours throughout (belt to shoes to trousers, all warm browns; the red in the scarf to the hat; the rich blue base; all these colours layered together make the whole look appear even warmer, including his face colour) the clothes are making him look actually part of his outfit.

Now onto the details: the heavy patterned scarf adds some fun and stops him looking stuffy, the hat, to a certain degree does this too, but it was fucking cold, so he may be just keeping his ears warm. I will not be drawn into posting pictures of people who look cool, but are in fact actually cold. We’re men, not idiots. And finally, he’s got a bit of a round face and a bit of a belly, but you hadn’t noticed that had you? The slouchy ‘knot’ and apparent V created by his scarf, the long tails of the scarf and the low open cut of the jacket, all give the impression of length and accentuate the vertical, which balances the shape of his face.

Style Guide: Menswear Details

This style guide uses rules on menswear details to show you how to dress like a fucking man. A shirt's a shirt, trousers are trousers and jeans are jeans; the secret is knowing that’s a load of bollocks, men’s style is all about subtle detail.



Covent Garden 28/01 


Rules 


28. Know the power of double breasted. The two rows of buttons will have a slimming effect, as the eye will read this as the silhouette, not your bulbous gut. 


47. Satchels are better than rucksacks. You’re not hiking or homeless. 


43. No Baseball caps. Only Americans and Baseball players should ever wear these. If I see you wearing one, you better be able to recite the words to the seventh inning stretch. 

He looks like he knows his claret from his beaujolais, he’s probably sabred the top off a bottle champagne in the last 24hrs, and more than likely, he’s got an opinion on the best way to gut and de-bone a Milliband brother; basically, he’s a lot more interesting than you look in your baggy jeans, printed tee and trainers. 


I’m not going to lie, he does look a bit like a smug posh twat, but he does show great alternatives to baseball caps, backpacks and single breasted jackets. Women’s fashion is all about overt, grand gestures; men's fashion is all about the understated detail. Here are three great details that elevate the mundane to the interesting, and lets face it we’d all like to be seen to be a little more interesting.