I'm dropping a Rule 50 on this one.

Angel 12/10

The Rules

16. You’re Pasty.  You’re so pale, it looks like you’ve been told Sarah Palin’s your real Mom?  Work with warmer colours, you’ll look more alive.

31. Show some cuff. Half an inch of your shirt should show at the end of your jacket sleeve

42. No Trainers. You are not a fucking B boy, if you are, run along now, there’s nothing here for you to see.

50. Break the rules. You see, once you’ve mastered the rules, it’s time to break them. Only a subservient, winey, bitch would always follow the rules. If you really want to tell the world you’re a fucking man, break the rules, and don’t worry about the consequences.

Rules 1, 19, 18

There's a b in subtle.


Walthamstow
03/09


The Rules

1. Men have booty too. When you turn around to look at yourself in the mirror you should be able to see your arse, not a bag of material.

19. Create a highlight. Move away from just black, blue and grey clothes. I know, sometimes it’s nice to hold onto what you think is safe; safe is nice, you look into your wardrobe and it’s a sea of nice safe blacks, greys and blues. Fuck that you winey little girl. I’m not suggesting you start buying suits that would scare Jonathan Ross circa 2001, but a bright corner pocket, socks or scarf will make you look like you’ve thought about it, and you’ve got the chops to have a go.

18. Work with your palette. Unless you’re a black and white minstrel, or you want to look like a French man, you’ll have to start picking out tones in your face to work with: Eye colour, ruddiness of your cheeks, hair colour. The big advantage of building a wardrobe based on your pallet palette is that more and more clothes will fit together, and you’ll get more combinations of clothes.

Rules 29, 8, 2

Sometimes, always, never; buttoning your buttons from the top, downwards.



Hitchin
28/06

The Rules

29. Just because you have lots of buttons, doesn’t mean you have to do them all up. Find your pivot point by squeezing your thinnest part of your waist (it’s the bit just above your hip bone). Half an inch down is your pivot point. There should be a button here, do it up. Leave the rest open.

8. Break once. If you look at the crease down the front of your trousers, it should kink once, about half way up your shin. Any more it will make your legs look shorter, that or you’ll look like a 13 year old boy trying to be gangsta.

2. Your collar shapes your face. You’re looking for balance here. If you have a face that looks like it’s been hit hit with a spade, try to steer clear of wide cut collars. Likewise, if you’ve got a face like a horse, avoid tall thin collars. The whole point of putting clothes on is to bring the eye up to the face. Strong structured collars make you look important; small soft collars make you look like you shop at Asda.

When I used to live in north America, I would spend my afternoons watching Tele-Casts of sports evens, drinking impossibly fizzy beer, listening to the commentators extol the virtues of ‘plays’,  dissecting the offensive systems and the flaws of the defense.  I’d watch as they shouted mindlessly each other, trying to alpha male each other into submission, the one thing I would alway think, “why the fuck have they got all of their buttons done up on their jackets?”

These 250lbs ex wide receivers, built like brick shit houses, were fighting and loosing with their clothes.  Your jacket should move with you, twist and rotate, not sit on top of you, ridged and forced; by doing up all the buttons, that is all it will ever do.  It is worth curtailing any silly buggers right now about warmth; if your cold, put a fucking overcoat on, don’t button up your jacket.

Anyways, down to the finer points; great warm colours with the shirt and tie which mirror the slight ruddiness of the skin tones.  Love the white trousers, brogues and dark green jacket, any more classic English style than this, you’d turn into a Jag E-type that smelt of gin and bacon sandwiches - and that’s just how i like it. 

Rule 6

The Rule

6. Polo shirts. Don’t pop your collar, unless your Eric Cantona or Mike Skinner.

I know I said last time I'd post about something 'summery'.  But, seeing that the weather is still playing silly buggers, it makes a street photography blog post about summer clothes a bit fucking difficult. 

So you can just have a rule instead.  Fat lot of use it will be though with another, glorious English summer were having.

Almost makes you want to move to France, almost.

Rules 3, 12, 34, 40

Like a good self referential blogger that I am, I wrote last time about the ability to mix different patterns. This skill is one of the keys to dressing like a fucking man.  Here we have a nice example of mixing two patterns.

Shorditch

21/06

Rules

3. Your tie knot should frame the collar. Balance here is key. You don’t want your knot crammed in like a fat girl on Ryanair, nor do you want it looking like the last line of coke on a dining table.

12. No Pleats. If you haven’t been at the pies, don’t bother with these. The extra material will puff out making you look like a squeezed sausage.

34. Your jacket lapels effect your body shape.  By the shape of your lapels will exaggerate the shape of your body.  By moving the points, shape and size of the lapels you can enhance, or play down body shapes.  If you’re tall and thin, lower wider points will exaggerate the upside down triangle.  If your short, raising the points and bringing them in will imply height.

40. 2 Patterns. You can “clash” two patterns, but the scale has to be different

By taking a large check in the suit cloth and mixing it with tight pattern it the tie, he is being bang on trend, whilst not looking like a fashion floozy. (the last thing we want it you strutting around in a cowboy hat, looking like a Northern slag on a hen do, just because some knob-jockey in magazine said it was fashionable).  Then, by using similar colours in the suit, shirt and tie, the blue and grey, the outfit is tied together further, ooooooosh!

If you’re the sort of charlie big potatoes who wears a three piece suit to the pub, I like you.  Doing something a little bit classy and stylish is never a bad thing.  The best thing about looking classy, is being debaucherous at the same time: it’s one of life’s great pleasures.  I just can’t imagine Dean Martin going to the local bar wearing his jeans and a tee.  I also just can’t imagine Dean Martin, not leaving the bar with out classy broad, a strong smell of gin about him and everyone in the bar wanting him to stay.  Those two things may not be connected, but looking classy, is a great place to start.

You stay classy San Diego!

Rules 39, 40, 41

The ability to use multiple patterns will become increasingly important in fashion over the next year.  

The Rules

39. 1 Pattern. Work with your colour palette here. The colour doesn’t even have to co-ordinate with anything else on your attire, only a woman would demand something so regimented.

40. 2 Patterns. You can “clash” two patterns, but the scale has to be different

41. 3 Patterns. Feeling fruity then?; Try to get the three patterns in similar size and contrast but of different design.  So a tight check, next to a tight stripe next to tight weave should work.  Nothing should stand out on it own.

If you start to look around you will start to notice people mixing patterns.  This is fucking cool, because it is really easy to fuck this right up.  Getting this right is really going to sort the men out from the boys.

Unlike most styles which rely on an individual theme, this relies on on out and out sartorial knowledge plus being a ballsy mo-fo; you really need the skills to pay the bills to pull this off.

Follow the rules and it should stat to make sense.  Remember what we've discussed with colour and contrast when thinking about which patterns to use.  The pattern doesn't need be a major item: ties, corner pockets and socks can all add that second, third or even fourth layer.  A heavy weaved cloth can also be a sneaky way of eking in a different pattern, you don't just need to think in printed patterns.

Like most things, surgery, sky-diving, poking animals with sticks, it's better to start off simple, then build up your skill and complexity when your confidence grows.  Last thing I want is you running out there looking like you've hit a charity shop with 20 notes, off your box on ket.

Rule 25

The Rule

25. Pick a style icon. 

A lot like, ‘What would Jesus do?’ But with someone cool, who you admire and with clothes.

It's quite simple really.  This should help you justify your some of your sartorial decisions.  It's like having a comfort blanket shaped like Don Draper or Steve McQueen.

"Should I buy this green velour tracksuit with Juicy splashed across the arse?  Well I sure as hell can't imagine Don wearing some bullshit get up like this, I'll dodge this bullet and blow my cash on cheap hookers and rye"

Think like this and literally nothing can go wrong.